At our Meaningful Connections at Every Age event in October, Geraldine Doogue AO, in amongst other fantastic insights, shared with the audience the self-audit which she had drawn up for her own use. By popular request both at the event and afterwards, we're pleased to be able to share the key points of Geraldine's self-audit with you here.

This offers us insights which we can use to help us consider the ways we connect and spend our time - and perhaps to better curate our connections and social interactions.

1. Avoid "loud and aggressive people….they are vexatious to the spirit", as Max Ehrmann's Desiderata says:
   Instead of seeing it as your duty to listen to troubled people, to endure, give yourself permission to step back, or certainly to ration exposure in order to bring good energies to bear. Consider as well the rather more courageous, related approach, of speaking up: of articulating why you're bothered by their aggression or self-centredness. Calmly saying WHY something is offensive, takes guts! As Geraldine shared, "I’m still working on it believe me. A lot of the time, I do simply withdraw to be honest."
   
2. It is important once or twice a week, at the very least, to conform to a deadline NOT of your own making.
   The element of pressure from beyond oneself is what matters here. The working-world demands it semi-constantly: whereas the passage of the years can tantalise with the prospect of ONLY responding to one’s own deadlines which Geraldine suggests is a mistake.
3. Privilege certain relationships, rank them in other words - and be comfortable doing so
   As Geraldine shared, she was not initially comfortable doing this. It can be taken as read that some inbuilt ranking will occur with regards to partners, children and grandkids. But consider permitting yourself to consider relationships as sitting in concentric circles around yourself and prioritising those relationships accordingly.
   
4. Avoid the threat of becoming callous
   The caveat to the preceding point is, of course, remaining conscious about the risk of callousness. This is an ever-present temptation: so much seems to go so fast, the demands don’t seem to stop and you may be tempted to be unkind, even cruel. “A callous person is insensitive or emotionally hardened” says the dictionary…it comes from the Latin root callum for hard skin. Geraldine suggests that part of our conscience should be re-visited regularly, "I see it as an insidious malady" she says.
5. Genuinely absorb the wisdom that we can’t do everything!
   A terrific reflection on this which Geraldine shared, came from the late South American bishop Oscar Romero.. “We cannot do everything…and there is a sense of liberation in realising that. This enables us to do something…and do it very well. We may never see the end results…but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.” Geraldine finds this point inviting because it is easy to get carried away with all that might be asked of us.
6. Other generational groups may be facing issues you've seen before - and doing things differently
   And that's OK! You might find yourself frustrated by seeing the wheel-being-reinvented, moving into different generational groups: guess what, you MIGHT even have seen it done better... "So what", says Geraldine, "yield more than fight, in my experience."

Geraldine says that what underlies all of this is an invitation to keep open to meaningful engagement, not to close it off - and that this may be more likely to happen if we permit ourselves some honesty about what helps us to flourish, what gives us joy… and, conversely, what annoys us!

Once we acknowledge these things we are better placed to build connections that are meaningful and that enhance our life.